she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
