even my farts smell like vagina
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
