I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
