I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
