At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
