I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
