I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
