I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
