Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
