If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
