So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Alive.
So much puke
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
