At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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