You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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