oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
