you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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