Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
