when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
