There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she peed on how many people?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I will be naked everywhere
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
