You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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