Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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