Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
