I could make wine with my vomit
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
