i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
