Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
