My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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