So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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