I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
