So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
