My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
