then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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