ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
