I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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