I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
