we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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