He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
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