Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
did i just pee glitter
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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