Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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