Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
