my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
