connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
