Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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