I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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