Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
