I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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