just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
