i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so let's talk penis.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
