Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
