theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
