Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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