You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
