I love black thongs
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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