everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have fence marks all over my body
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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