the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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