Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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